Helping an autistic child develop can present unique challenges. An autistic child may face difficulties with self-confidence and feel hesitant about learning and growing due to differences in socio-emotional skills. However, with the right approach, they can develop self-control, make choices, and build confidence, leading to significant growth and learning. Here, I'll share my journey with my son, diagnosed with autism at the age of five, and how I navigated these challenges to create a positive developmental path.

THE DIAGNOSIS

By the age of five, my son had been expelled from three preschools due to aggressive behavior stemming from anxiety. I finally decided to consult a psychologist, who diagnosed him with autism. To my surprise, the psychologist informed me that if my son's behavior didn't improve within six months, he would need to start medication. Determined to avoid medicating my young child, I embarked on a journey to find alternative solutions that worked for my son.

STRATEGIES THAT WORKED

REDUCING MY OWN STRESS LEVELS

Reducing my own stress levels proved to be a critical component in helping my son thrive. When I felt overwhelmed, it directly impacted my ability to support him effectively. By managing my own stress, I was better equipped to create a calm, stable environment that positively influenced his development.

If you’re struggling with stress, consider using tools like the Happier Mom Daily Celebration Journal to help you manage your emotions and improve your daily interactions. By taking care of your own well-being, you create a healthier, more supportive environment for your child’s growth and development.

It’s also important to recognize that if you co-parent with someone who struggles to manage their stress, it can impact your child’s well-being, possibly causing them to regress when around that person. Try not to let that burden you, though—remember, you can’t control their actions, only your own. Focus on celebrating your progress and the positive environment you’re creating instead!

IMPROVING GUT HEALTH

Supporting gut health can greatly benefit children with autism. To help my son, I used N.A.E.T. (Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Techniques) to reduce his sensitivities to food, chemicals, and environmental triggers, which improved his mood, behavior, and nutrient absorption. I also incorporated nutritious and energizing gut-friendly foods including probiotic yogurt into his daily diet* and made sure he drank plenty of clean water.

Drinking filtered water is essential for eliminating contaminants like chlorine, lead, and harmful bacteria that could negatively affect digestion and overall well-being. There are various types of water filters you can choose from, such as countertop filters, under-sink systems, and outdoor filtration options, each designed to improve water quality. Using filtered water ensures that the body, including the gut, remains free from toxins, which can be especially beneficial for children with autism by aiding digestion and boosting nutrient absorption. In combination with gut-friendly foods, filtered water helps create a foundation for better health.

*daily diet should ideally include healthy natural fats and proteins, complex carbs (whole grains, vegetables, and legumes), and vitamins, minerals, and fiber from whole foods

ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE

Autistic children often thrive on routine. Establishing a routine that my son liked became a cornerstone of our approach. We worked tirelessly to create a morning routine that was smooth and predictable. This included:

• Wake-up Time: Consistent wake-up time each day with the help of an alarm clock.
• Morning Tasks: Clear steps such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, and eating breakfast.
• Breakfast Choices: Offering a limited but consistent choice of healthy foods to avoid overwhelming decisions.

By sticking to this routine, my son began to feel more secure and less anxious about starting his day.

PROVIDING MORE CHOICE AT SCHOOL

Traditional classroom settings, with their repetitive tasks, can be daunting for autistic children, who often exhibit more intuitive and creative tendencies. My son showed little interest in endless amounts of schoolwork. I communicated with his teacher and aide about modifying the amount of his work and incorporating more choice into his school day. These changes were instrumental in helping my son not only manage but also flourish in the school environment:

• Support from the Special Education Team: When my son became overwhelmed, the special education team stepped in to help him self-regulate with calm, effective strategies. Their patience and understanding created a supportive environment that was essential to his emotional well-being. The involvement of the special education team was crucial to my son's success, highlighting the importance of choosing a school that truly understands and supports your child’s unique needs.
• Movement Breaks and Grounding Activities: My son was taught to express when he needed a break from his work and was given the opportunity to engage in grounding activities, such as taking walks or playing a beanbag game. These mindful breaks helped him reset and stay focused, providing a much-needed balance during the school day.
• Game-based Rewards: After completing a set amount of work, my son was rewarded with games like Connect 4 and various card games, which he loved playing with his aide. He was even encouraged to create his own games, integrating them into his learning process, which fostered both creativity and engagement.

I offered my son a limited but consistent selection of healthy lunch options, which improved his energy and mood. He enjoyed helping pack his snack and lunch and ensuring everything was to his liking, which gave him a sense of pride and ownership. 

EMPOWERING AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES

• Choosing Healthy Snacks: Allowing my son to choose a healthy after-school snack gave him a sense of control. We often made monster cookies together, which he loved. These cookies, made with organic peanut butter, oats, grass-fed butter, and chocolate, provided him with energy without causing hyperactivity.
• 30/30 Rule: My son and I co-created a rule where my son played independently for 30 minutes while I worked, followed by 30 minutes of playing together. This routine balanced our needs and taught him the importance of taking turns in activities. Additionally, we agreed that my son would complete any unfinished household tasks, such as putting away toys and laundry, before we could play together. Some of the activities he enjoyed doing on his own was making books, especially about our vacations together, creating things out of PlayDoh, and playing on his keyboard. During our playtime, I focused on connecting with him as much as possible, cherishing every second, knowing these moments would never come again.
• Working on Contact and Body Awareness: Autistic children often face challenges in making contact and having general body awareness. To address this, engaging in interactive games throughout the day can be highly effective. One such activity is an eye blinking contest, which promotes eye contact in a fun and non-threatening way. Another game is a tickling or finger-grabbing contest, which encourages physical touch and responsiveness. Additionally, the game "Make Me Laugh" involves players using only physical gestures and props to make others laugh while the rest try to maintain a straight face. If a player succeeds in making someone laugh, they earn a point, and then it's the next person's turn. These games not only help improve body awareness but also foster social interaction and laughter, making the experience enjoyable for autistic children.
• Other exercises that enhance body awareness while offering a fun way for children to stay active include Bobo P.E., Cosmic Yoga, Hot Potato, and Floor is Lava—all available for free on YouTube—or simply dancing to their favorite music!
• Getting Help from the Regional Center: Living in California, I had access to support through Regional Centers, which assist parents of children with autism. Through their services, a specialist can visit my son daily, provide ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy and help him develop adaptive skills. This personalized support has been invaluable for my son, empowering him to build important abilities and manage everyday challenges. It's also been a huge help for me, giving me the time and peace of mind to focus on other things while knowing he's receiving the care and attention he needs.

STAYING CONNECTED WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD

• Heading to the Playground: Fresh air and exercise are essential for kids, and the playground offers both. To help ease his anxiety around other children, my son likes to bring his stuffed animals along for comfort. On hot days, we head to the splash pad so that he can have a refreshing and engaging sensory experience while being around other kids. I make sure to let him fully enjoy his time, allowing him to explore and be immersed in the environment at his own pace.
• Going on Errands and Meeting People: It can be beneficial to take your child on errands such as going to the grocery store, dry cleaner, or post office and get them as involved in the process as possible. These outings provide opportunities for social interaction in a controlled environment. I often encourage my son to use his stuffed animals as a transition tool to meet new people. Since my son has an interest in numbers, we will occasionally exchange birthdays, which helps him remember the person's name and birthday. These interactions enhance my son’s social skills and make everyday errands a valuable learning experience.
• Enrolling in the Regional Center’s Self-Determination Program: The Self-Determination Program through the Regional Center of California allows us to choose and access resources within a flexible budget, tailored to support my son's personal growth and development goals. These classes give my son the opportunity to explore new interests and build meaningful connections beyond our home, whether it's through local art, swim, or music lessons.

WINDING DOWN FOR A RESTFUL EVENING

• Calm Shower and Dinner Routine: I start our evening with a relaxing shower to help my son unwind, encouraging him to handle as many tasks as he can by himself. At dinner, we practice mindful eating while discussing the best, worst, weirdest, and proudest moments of the day. I always make a point to praise him for what he does well at the table, focusing on the positives rather than criticizing any negative habits. After dinner, we follow a calming routine that includes a Hiya multivitamin, Nancy's probiotic yogurt, Zarbee’s Children’s Chewable Tablets with Melatonin, a BeLive Magnesium Gummy, and a mini Reese’s Pieces.
• Game and Story Time: To help my son unwind, we play a calming card or board game together. Afterward, I tuck him into bed with his favorite stuffed animals, wrap him in a weighted blanket, and read an engaging story to ease the transition to sleep. I also turn on his white noise machine to create a soothing environment for rest.
• Gratitude and Massage: Before my son drifts off to sleep, I tell him three things I’m grateful for about him. I love watching his face light up with joy when I do this. I also give my son a gentle massage and apply Burt’s Bees Coconut Cream with Frankincense essential oil to promote relaxation and detoxification. Finally, to help my son manage his heightened sensitivity to environmental triggers that can affect his breathing, I apply AYR Saline Nasal Gel and use a humidifier with water infused with Frankincense essential oil. This combination helps him breathe more easily and comfortably throughout the night.

CONCLUSION

Helping your autistic child develop is about finding what works best for them. My son's progress was a testament to the power of routine, choice, and shared activities. By giving him more self-control, choice, and confidence, I was able to create an environment where he could thrive without the need for medication. Each child is unique, and understanding their specific needs and preferences can lead to remarkable improvements in behavior and overall development.