Helping an autistic child develop can present unique challenges. An autistic child may experience moments of self-doubt or hesitation around learning and growth, often related to differences in socio-emotional development. With supportive approaches that meet a child where they are, many children can build self-control, make choices, and grow in confidence over time. Here, I’ll share my journey with my son, who was diagnosed with autism at the age of five, and how I navigated these challenges to support his development in ways that felt right for our family.

THE DIAGNOSIS

By the age of five, my son had been expelled from three preschools due to aggressive behavior rooted in anxiety. I eventually consulted a psychologist, who diagnosed him with autism. The psychologist explained that if my son’s behavior didn’t improve within six months, medication might be recommended. Wanting to explore additional supports for my young child, I began searching for alternative approaches that felt aligned with his needs.

STRATEGIES THAT WORKED

REDUCING MY OWN STRESS LEVELS

Reducing my own stress levels proved to be a critical component in helping my son thrive. When I felt overwhelmed, it directly impacted my ability to support him effectively. By managing my own stress, I was better equipped to create a calm, stable environment that positively influenced his development.

If you’re struggling with stress, you might consider tools like the Happier Mom App to help you pr ocess your emotions and support more intentional daily interactions. By caring for your own well-being, you create a healthier, more supportive environment for your child’s growth and development.

It’s also important to recognize that when co-parenting with someone who struggles to manage their stress, your child’s experience may differ in those environments. Try not to let that weigh heavily on you—remember, you can’t control another person’s actions, only your own. Focus instead on the progress you’re making and the sense of safety and stability you’re creating in your own home.

IMPROVING GUT HEALTH

Supporting gut health became an important part of what helped my son. I used N.A.E.T. (Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Techniques) to address sensitivities to certain foods, chemicals, and environmental triggers, which I observed to positively influence his mood, behavior, and overall well-being. What follows reflects what worked for us and may not be appropriate or necessary for every child. 

I also incorporated nutritious, gut-friendly foods into my son’s *daily diet, including probiotic yogurt, and made sure he stayed well hydrated with clean water. For our family, using filtered water felt like a supportive choice, as it helped reduce exposure to substances we preferred to avoid. There are many ways families approach this, including countertop or under-sink filtration systems, and each family can decide what feels most accessible and appropriate for them.

*In general, a balanced daily diet may include healthy natural fats and proteins, complex carbohydrates (such as whole grains, vegetables, and legumes), and a variety of vitamins, minerals, and fiber from whole foods. I’ve found that approaching grocery shopping, meal preparation, and mealtimes as joyful and educational experiences made a meaningful difference for us.

ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE

Autistic children often thrive on routine. Establishing a routine that my son liked became a cornerstone of our approach. With time and patience, we were able to create a morning routine that was smooth and predictable for him. This included:

• Wake-up Time: Consistent wake-up time each day with the help of an alarm clock.
• Morning Tasks: Clear steps such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, and eating breakfast.
• Breakfast Choices: Offering a limited but consistent choice of healthy foods to avoid overwhelming decisions.

By sticking to this routine, my son began to feel more secure and less anxious about starting his day.

PROVIDING MORE CHOICE AT SCHOOL

Traditional classroom settings, with their repetitive tasks, can be challenging for some autistic children, who may have more intuitive and creative learning styles. My son showed little interest in large volumes of repetitive schoolwork, so I reached out to his teacher and aide to explore ways to modify the amount of work and incorporate more choice into his school day. These changes were instrumental in helping my son not only manage but genuinely flourish in the school environment (the principal even remarked on the remarkable progress he made):

Support from the Special Education Team: When my son became overwhelmed, the special education team stepped in to support him with calm, effective self-regulation strategies. Their patience and understanding created a supportive environment that played an important role in his emotional well-being. This experience reinforced for me the value of a school team that truly understands and supports a child’s individual needs.

• Reasonable Accommodations: Based on what worked for our family, I explored a number of reasonable accommodations for my son’s IEP. Some parents may choose to consider environmental factors such as lighting or classroom stimulation, depending on their child’s sensitivities and what feels appropriate for them. (Every family’s situation is different, and legal or professional support may or may not be helpful depending on circumstances.) Examples of accommodations we discussed or explored included:
• reducing unnecessary classroom stimuli where possible
• seating placement that supported comfort and focus
• access to natural light or softer lighting options
• screen and lighting adjustments to reduce visual strain
• flexibility in learning format when the classroom environment became overwhelming
• Movement Breaks and Grounding Activities: My son was taught to express when he needed a break from his work and was given the opportunity to engage in grounding activities, such as taking walks or playing a beanbag game. These mindful breaks helped him reset and stay focused, providing a much-needed balance during the school day.
• Game-based Rewards: After completing a set amount of work, my son had the opportunity to play games like Connect 4 and various card games with his aide, which he really enjoyed. He was also encouraged to create his own games, fostering both creativity and engagement.

I also offered my son a limited but consistent selection of healthy lunch options, and over time his energy and mood improved. He enjoyed helping pack his snack and lunch and ensuring everything was to his liking, which gave him a sense of pride and ownership. 

EMPOWERING AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES

• Choosing Healthy Snacks: Allowing my son to choose a healthy after-school snack gave him a sense of control. We often made monster cookies together—one of his favorites. Made with ingredients like organic peanut butter, oats, grass-fed butter, and chocolate, these cookies worked well for him, providing steady energy without a noticeable increase in hyperactivity.
• 30/30 Rule: My son and I co-created a simple routine in which he played independently for 30 minutes while I worked, followed by 30 minutes of playing together. This structure helped balance our needs and also taught him the importance of taking turns. In addition, we agreed that he would complete any unfinished household tasks, such as putting away toys or laundry, before we played together. During his independent time, he enjoyed making books—especially about our vacations—creating with Play-Doh, and playing on his keyboard. During our playtime, I focused on connecting with him as fully as possible, cherishing each second and recognizing that these moments would never come again.
• Working on Contact and Body Awareness: Autistic children may experience challenges with making contact and developing body awareness. In my experience, engaging in playful, interactive games throughout the day can be a gentle and effective way to support these skills. 
• One such activity is an eye-blinking contest, which encourages eye contact in a fun and non-threatening way. Another is a tickling or finger-grabbing game, which can help build comfort with physical interaction and responsiveness when appropriate. We also enjoyed a game called “Make Me Laugh,” where players use only physical gestures and props to make others laugh while the rest try to maintain a straight face. If someone succeeds in making another player laugh, they earn a point before it becomes the next person’s turn. These games helped support body awareness while also fostering social connection and laughter, making the experience enjoyable rather than stressful. 
• Other activities that can enhance body awareness while keeping children active include Bobo P.E., Cosmic Yoga, Hot Potato, and The Floor Is Lava—all available for free on YouTube—or simply dancing to favorite music.
• Getting Help from the Regional Center: Living in California, I had access to support through Regional Centers, which offer a range of services for families of children with autism. For our family, this included regular visits from a specialist who supported my son in developing adaptive skills. It was also a tremendous help for me, giving me the time and peace of mind to focus on other responsibilities while knowing he was receiving thoughtful care and attention.

STAYING CONNECTED WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD

• Heading to the Playground: Fresh air and exercise are essential for kids, and the playground offers both. To help ease his anxiety around other children, my son often brings his stuffed animals along for comfort. On hot days, we head to the splash pad so he can enjoy a refreshing and engaging sensory experience while still being around other kids. I make sure to let him fully enjoy his time, allowing him to explore and become immersed in the environment at his own pace.
• Going on Errands and Meeting People: Taking my son along on everyday errands—such as going to the grocery store, dry cleaner, or post office—can be a helpful way to involve him in the process and practice social interaction in a controlled environment. I often encourage my son to use his stuffed animals as a transition tool when meeting new people. Since he has a strong interest in numbers, we sometimes exchange birthdays, which helps him remember both the person’s name and birthday. These small interactions support my son’s social development and turn everyday errands into meaningful learning experiences.
• Enrolling in the Regional Center’s Self-Determination Program: : The Self-Determination Program through the Regional Center of California allows our family to choose and access resources within a flexible budget, tailored to support my son’s personal growth and development goals. These classes give my son opportunities to explore new interests and build meaningful connections beyond our home—whether through local art, swim, or music lessons.

WINDING DOWN FOR A RESTFUL EVENING

• Calm Shower and Dinner Routine: In the evenings, I aim for a calm, predictable rhythm to help my son wind down. On most nights, we start with a relaxing shower, encouraging him to handle whatever tasks he feels comfortable doing on his own. At dinner, I help him eat mindfully, and we usually share the best, worst, weirdest, and proudest moments of the day. I try to acknowledge positive behavior at the table rather than focusing on “negative” habits. After dinner, we follow a routine that works for our family, which usually includes supplements and small treats.
• Game and Story Time: To help my son unwind, we play a calming card or board game together. Afterward, I tuck him into bed with his favorite stuffed animals, wrap him in a weighted blanket, and read an engaging story to ease the transition to sleep. I also turn on his white noise machine to create a soothing environment for rest.
• Gratitude and Massage: Before my son drifts off to sleep, I often tell him three things I’m grateful for about him. I love watching his face light up when I do this. I also usually offer a gentle massage to support relaxation. Sometimes this includes using Burt’s Bees Coconut Cream with Frankincense essential oil on his feet. Additionally, I’ve found that applying AYR Saline Nasal Gel or using a humidifier with calming scents can help him feel more comfortable at night.

CONCLUSION

Helping your autistic child develop is about discovering what works best for them. My son’s progress was a testament to the power of routine, choice, and shared activities. By supporting his sense of self-control, confidence, and autonomy, I was able to create an environment where he could thrive. Every child is unique, and taking the time to understand their individual needs and preferences can lead to meaningful improvements in behavior, well-being, and overall development.