(In honor of my daughter Ambika who was born on 12/12/12 and will be 12 this year 😊)

My daughter didn’t get hooked on her iPad during the Coronavirus pandemic like many kids did. I remember promising myself I wouldn’t let screens take over my kids’ lives, especially as I watched it happening so quickly all around us. It was only after the pandemic, when I began spending extensive one-on-one time supporting my autistic son while my then-husband was busy with work, that she started to rely more heavily on her screen. 

My daughter's school had also implemented the 'Modern Classroom Project', which heavily emphasized technology use and left her feeling drained and depressed by the end of each day—ironically, making her want to use her iPad even more when she got home.

She truly wished to spend quality time with her friends (who happened to be mostly boys). But since her friends spent their free time on video games—which didn’t feel like true connection to her—her device became her go-to companion.

As her screen time increased, I began noticing a gradual shift: her energy and problem-solving skills started to decline, while her aggression and impatience grew. I know this struggle is all too familiar to many parents. Screens are a powerful draw, often serving as a stress reliever for kids, and helping them navigate this while managing our own stress can feel overwhelming.

In a previous article, I discussed how a parent’s response to a child’s behavior often creates more anxiety than the behavior itself. With this in mind, I realized that to reduce stress at home, I first needed to address my own anxieties about her screen time.

Here’s how I transformed my initial negative reactions to her screen time into constructive, supportive guidance:

1. Initial Reaction: Judging my daughter for being “addicted” to her iPad. Constructive Solution: I aimed to understand the needs driving her screen use and tried my best to empathize with her. I realized that school stress, the impact of the divorce, and a lack of close friends were weighing on her. While I couldn’t always be present due to my own commitments, I chose to guide her with empathy, challenging her only after gauging her stress tolerance. Aware of how sensitive she is to my reactions, I made a conscious effort to communicate with warmth, support, and openness.
2. Initial Reaction: Perceiving the iPad as a potential negative influence. Constructive Solution: I embraced the iPad as a helpful, yet temporary tool, as I had a long-term plan in mind (see #12). I discovered that the iPad gave me the focused, uninterrupted time I needed to support my son and attend to my own work, while my daughter explored creative, inspirational, and educational content online. She even contributed to my business with insights on logo design, branding, and more, and I made sure to express my gratitude for her help.
3. Initial Reaction: Stressing out over the potential negative long-term effects of the iPad. Constructive Solution: I made my daughter aware of the consequences of excessive use. I created a satirical "ad" where I “advertised” the iPad (or “iPadium”) like a prescription drug, listing its side effects for dramatic effect (*see below). I performed it for her once, and she got the message loud and clear. Afterwards, I enthusiastically asked if she’d like to hear the iPadium advertisement again and she responded with an emphatic, “No!”
4. Initial Reaction: Worrying about my daughter’s well-being. Constructive Solution: I focused on managing my own stress levels using the Happier Mom Daily Celebration Journal and setting my sights on my goals. To guide my daughter, I knew I needed to lead by example. For me, this meant embodying three core pillars of life—Relationships, Health, and Wealth—and demonstrating how to learn and grow through trial and error. I surrounded myself with positive, loving individuals who supported my goals, shared my commitment to prioritizing health, and openly discussed my journey of serving people in need through my business. I asked my daughter what advice she would give to her own children. After some thought, she replied, “I’d tell them they should do more good things than bad, because if everyone did more bad than good, the world would be a pretty messed-up place."
5. Initial Reaction: Feeling hopeless that I’d never win against the iPad. Constructive Solution: I made a deliberate effort to spend more one-on-one time with her by managing household and work tasks more efficiently. When my daughter got out of school, I had more time to help her shop for essentials and explore fun bucket list activities like visiting a rage room or doing crafts, baking, and cooking together. I also shared my side business idea with her, which led to a lot of giggling and connection, and she even offered her own insights. Before prioritizing my own self-care, I often felt frustrated and impatient when spending time with her, but afterwards our shared experiences became far more fulfilling and enjoyable.
6. Initial Reaction: Feeling repulsed by my daughter’s poor hygiene habits. Constructive Solution: I focused on educating my daughter and setting reasonable rules together. My daughter had no idea that her skin was home to about 1 trillion bacteria, especially in areas like the armpits, groin, and face. Once she understood this, she became more motivated to shower regularly, brush her teeth, and care for her skin. On one occasion, when she refused to brush her teeth, I allowed her to experience the consequences, and she ended up getting sick—fortunately, nothing serious. This taught her a valuable lesson about the importance of hygiene. I found that co-creating day-to-day rules with my daughter regarding hygiene, based on the circumstances, worked best.
7. Initial Reaction: Becoming anxious about my daughter’s poor eating habits. Constructive Solution: I worked on becoming a positive role model, educating her, and offering healthier food options. Junk food is everywhere and tempting, but its nutritional value is low. I prioritized brainstorming, buying ingredients, and preparing gut-healthy meals (or choosing healthier takeout) for the family, knowing how essential they are for both body and mind. It took some trial and error to find recipes everyone enjoyed, but seeing them appreciate healthier options made it all worth it. I explained to my daughter that to think and act clearly, she needed to eat healthier and stay hydrated. Since school cafeteria food was mostly processed, I took her shopping for healthier snacks and lunches she picked out herself. I also taught her to eat mindfully and recognize when she’d eaten too much junk food, prompting her to eat more veggies.
8. Initial Reaction: Losing my temper with my daughter for habits like not cleaning up, leaving lights on, and being late to school. Constructive Solutions: 1) I encouraged her to clean up as much as possible before screen time and to be cooperative and kind as part of earning it. 2) I introduced the "Roommate Technique," reminding her that while I love her unconditionally as her mom, a college roommate wouldn’t tolerate her mess. She understood the importance of building good habits now, so she’d be prepared by the time she was in college. 3) I set a budget for my daughter and began compensating her daily for key habits that would benefit the family the most—such as being on time for school and turning off lights. Motivated by the chance to save up for a phone, she eagerly followed through.
9. Initial Reaction: Feeling frustrated by my daughter’s endless morning demands that made getting to school seem impossible (from insisting on making waffles from scratch, taking forever with makeup and hair, to suddenly deciding she didn’t want to go to school). Constructive Solution: I accepted that our mornings might never be perfectly smooth, and that was okay! I focused on having open conversations with her about how we could get to school on time, learning from our mistakes along the way. I worked on staying calm and responding thoughtfully, while also setting clear boundaries. I reminded myself that progress, not perfection, was the goal. To keep her motivated, I also rewarded her for being on time, which boosted her self-confidence.
10. Initial Reaction: Snapping at my daughter for not completing her school assignments on time. Constructive Solution: I let my daughter take responsibility for her schoolwork. I believe that there are certain aspects of American public schools that can create toxic environments for children (I will write more about that in an upcoming blog article). I told my daughter that perfect grades didn’t matter to me—effort did. Instead of hovering or punishing, I simply asked if she had tests for me to sign or homework to complete. Once she trusted me, she would share her assignments, and we agreed to tackle them together, allowing breaks if she needed them. I promised to help her with the tough parts, using humor to make it more enjoyable while allowing her to solve as much as possible on her own. By reducing my own stress levels, I found I had more patience and creativity, which helped make homework time both more enjoyable and supportive for her.
11. Initial Reaction: Getting upset with my daughter for not exercising or practicing her trumpet regularly. Constructive Solution: Instead of pushing her on exercising and music practice, I encouraged her to explore activities she enjoyed, such as afterschool art, drama, and improv classes. Sadly, kids today don’t get enough exercise, as they are often stuck in classrooms with limited physical activity, with P.E. being mostly just drills. I knew if my daughter had friends to play outside with, she would be more active, but her friends preferred video games over sports. The Waldorf school I was interested in enrolling my daughter in offered a more holistic approach, with all students regularly participating in team sports and music. We also started ticking off items on a kid-friendly bucket list, which kept her more active and engaged.
12. Finally, I put a long-term solution in place for my daughter. The aforementioned Waldorf school emphasizes sensory learning, creativity, and critical thinking, and she immediately connected with it. While the staff at her public elementary school are outstanding, they are limited by the systematic challenges they must navigate. I have no doubt my daughter will become a leader one day—she’s brilliant, talented, and hardworking when she’s motivated, as any child can be. As for her current school, I simply encouraged her to do her best, and I’m confident she will.

-------------------------------------

*Introducing iPadium – Your Unreal Escape from Real-Life Stress!

Tired of life's never-ending demands? From the makers of digital magic comes iPadium – your daily dose of serenity, perfectly crafted to avoid real-life problems.

With iPadium, you’ll experience:

• Instant Friends – Connect instantly with characters, influencers, and players worldwide through YouTube videos and games (no awkward small talk required!).
• Effortless Entertainment – Get all the laughs, drama, and thrills without lifting a finger—others have done the hard work creating it for you!
• No Exercise Necessary – Who needs cardio when you’ve got endless scrolling?

Possible side effects of iPadium include: reduced physical activity, low energy from eye strain, poor eating habits, poor posture, poor sleep quality, decreased problem-solving skills, increased depression or anxiety, social isolation, decreased communication skills, difficulty forming positive relationships, increased aggression, increase in risky behaviors, reduced time for hobbies, decreased family interaction, and disconnection from real-life activities.