(In honor of my daughter Ambika who was born on 12/12/12 and will be 12 this year 😊)

My daughter didn’t get hooked on her iPad during the Coronavirus pandemic like many kids did. I remember promising myself I wouldn’t let screens take over my kids’ lives, especially as I watched it happening so quickly all around us. It was only after the pandemic, when I began spending extensive one-on-one time supporting my autistic son while my then-husband was busy with work, that she started to rely more heavily on her screen. 

My daughter's school had also implemented the 'Modern Classroom Project', which heavily emphasized technology use and left her feeling drained and depressed by the end of each day—ironically, making her want to use her iPad even more when she got home.

She truly wished to spend quality time with her friends (who happened to be mostly boys). But since her friends spent their free time on video games—which didn’t feel like true connection to her—her device became her go-to companion.

As her screen time increased, I began noticing a gradual shift: her energy and problem-solving skills started to decline, while her aggression and impatience grew. I know this struggle is all too familiar to many parents. Screens are a powerful draw, often serving as a stress reliever for kids, and helping them navigate this while managing our own stress can feel overwhelming.

In a previous article, I discussed how a parent’s response to a child’s behavior often creates more anxiety than the behavior itself. With this in mind, I realized that to reduce stress at home, I first needed to address my own anxieties about her screen time.

Here’s how I transformed my initial negative reactions to her screen time into constructive, supportive guidance:

1. Initial Reaction: Judging my daughter for being “addicted” to her iPad. Constructive Solution: I aimed to understand the needs driving her screen use and tried my best to empathize with her. I realized that school stress, the impact of the divorce, and a lack of close friends were weighing on her. While I couldn’t always be present due to my own commitments, I chose to guide her with empathy, challenging her only after gauging her stress tolerance. Aware of how sensitive she is to my reactions, I made a conscious effort to communicate with warmth, support, and openness.
2. Initial Reaction: Perceiving the iPad as a potential negative influence. Constructive Solution: I embraced the iPad as a helpful, yet temporary tool. I discovered that the iPad gave me the focused, uninterrupted time I needed to support my son and attend to my own work, while my daughter explored creative, inspirational, and educational content online. She even contributed to my business with insights on logo design, branding, and more, and I made sure to express my gratitude for her help.
3. Initial Reaction: Stressing out over the potential negative long-term effects of the iPad. Constructive Solution: I made my daughter aware of the consequences of excessive use and committed to decrease her screentime hours. I created a satirical "ad" where I “advertised” the iPad (or “iPadium”) like a prescription drug, listing its side effects for dramatic effect (*see below). I performed it for her once, and she got the message loud and clear. Afterwards, I enthusiastically asked if she’d like to hear the iPadium advertisement again and she responded with an emphatic, “No!” UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me. 
4. Initial Reaction: Worrying about my daughter’s well-being. Constructive Solution: I focused on managing my own stress levels using the Happier Mom Daily Celebration Journal and setting my sights on my goals. To guide my daughter, I knew I needed to lead by example. For me, this meant embodying three core pillars of life—Relationships, Health, and Contribution to Society—and demonstrating how to learn and grow through trial and error. I surrounded myself with positive, loving individuals who supported my goals, shared my commitment to prioritizing health, and openly discussed my journey of serving people in need through my business. I asked my daughter what advice she would give to her own children. After some thought, she replied, “I’d tell them they should do more good things than bad, because if everyone did more bad than good, the world would be a pretty messed-up place."
5. Initial Reaction: Feeling hopeless that I’d never win against the iPad. Constructive Solution: I made a deliberate effort to spend more one-on-one time with her by managing household and work tasks more efficiently. After school, I started taking her to the library where I could help her with homework if necessary. I also compensated her for making a solid effort with her homework. On the weekend, we had fun shopping for essentials or exploring bucket list activities like visiting a rage room, bowling, or doing arts and crafts together. Before prioritizing my own self-care, I often felt frustrated and impatient when spending time with her, but afterwards our shared experiences became far more fulfilling and enjoyable. UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me, therefore I've stopped compensating her.
6. Initial Reaction: Feeling repulsed by my daughter’s poor hygiene habits. Constructive Solution: I focused instead on educating my daughter about the importance of hygiene and made certain tasks non-negotiable before engaging in specific activities. My daughter had no idea that her skin was home to about one trillion bacteria, especially in areas like the armpits, groin, and face. Once she understood this, she became more motivated to shower regularly, brush her teeth, and care for her skin and hair. On one occasion, when she refused to brush her teeth, I allowed her to experience the consequences, and she ended up getting sick—fortunately, nothing serious. This taught her a valuable lesson about the importance of hygiene. I also made certain tasks non-negotiable before engaging in specific activities.
7. Initial Reaction: Becoming anxious about my daughter’s poor eating habits. Constructive Solution: I worked on becoming a positive role model, educating her, and offering healthier food options. Junk food is everywhere and tempting, but its nutritional value is low. I prioritized brainstorming, buying ingredients, and preparing gut-healthy meals (or choosing healthier takeout) for the family, knowing how essential they are for both body and mind. It took some trial and error to find recipes everyone enjoyed, but seeing them appreciate healthier options made it all worth it. I explained to my daughter that to think and act clearly, she needed to eat healthier and stay hydrated. Since school cafeteria food was mostly processed, I bought healthier snacks and lunches she picked out herself. I told her that if she wanted junk food she would have to buy it herself with her own money. Most importantly, I taught her to eat mindfully and recognize when she’d eaten too much junk food, prompting her to eat more healthy food. UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me, therefore I've stopped compensating her.
8. Initial Reaction: Losing my temper with my daughter for habits like not cleaning up, leaving lights on, and being late to school. Constructive Solution: I shifted my approach by focusing on connection rather than control. Instead of forcing her to clean, I approached her with a positive and joyful attitude. When she did clean, she felt good about it. But if she seemed too overwhelmed, I’d put on some fun music and turn tidying up her room into a lighthearted challenge for myself. I also picked my battles, letting go of minor frustrations—like forgetting to turn off the lights. Finally, I purchased a Greenlight debit card for my daughter and began compensating her daily for habits that required considerable effort on her part, such as doing her homework. UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me, therefore I've stopped compensating her.
9. Initial Reaction: Feeling frustrated by my daughter’s endless morning demands that made getting to school seem impossible (from insisting on making waffles from scratch, taking forever with makeup and hair, to suddenly deciding she didn’t want to go to school). Constructive Solution: I accepted that our mornings might never be perfectly smooth, and that was okay! I focused on having open conversations with her about how we could get to school on time, learning from our mistakes along the way. I worked on staying calm and responding thoughtfully, while also setting clear boundaries. I reminded myself that progress, not perfection, was the goal. To keep her motivated, I also rewarded her for being on time, which boosted her self-confidence. UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me, therefore I've stopped compensating her.
10. Initial Reaction: Snapping at my daughter for not completing her school assignments on time. Constructive Solution: Instead of focusing on perfection, we had an open conversation about how to make schoolwork more enjoyable and doable. I reassured her that perfect grades weren’t important to me—what mattered most was her effort. Together, we agreed to go to the library after school where I would help her if necessary to stay on top of her homework. In return, I compensated her for her effort. I also helped her maintain a positive mindset, stay organized, and find ways to make homework more enjoyable. My daughter wanted to be homeschooled, but my ex was firmly against it. She also expressed keen interest in a nearby Waldorf school that emphasized creativity, critical thinking, and holistic development through experiential, arts-integrated learning. Sadly, that school was completely destroyed in the recent wildfires. If you can spare even $1, please consider donating to help rebuild it. UPDATE: My daughter no longer lives with me, therefore I've stopped compensating her.
11. Initial Reaction: Getting upset with my daughter for not exercising or practicing her trumpet regularly. Constructive Solution: Instead of pushing her on exercising and music practice, I encouraged her to explore activities she enjoyed, such as afterschool art, drama, and improv classes. Unfortunately, kids today often don’t get enough exercise, stuck in classrooms with limited physical activity and P.E. focused mostly on drills. While my daughter enjoyed playing outside with friends after school, most of them preferred video games to sports. To keep her active and engaged, I encouraged exercise breaks and exploring activities on a kid-friendly bucket list. I also hoped to encourage her to practice her trumpet again in the future, but only after first helping her reduce her stress levels.
12. Finally, I acknowledged that my daughter had already faced an incredibly stressful life. As I worked on rebuilding my own, I was ready to focus on building a strong, meaningful bond with her and improving our relationship over the next six years. I committed to being the best role model I could, supporting her in achieving her goals, and learning from our past mistakes as we grew together. While I initially relied on extrinsic motivators to guide her, my ultimate hope was to nurture a deep sense of intrinsic motivation that would empower her to pursue her passions and responsibilities with genuine enthusiasm. I chose progress over perfection, embracing every step of the journey.

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*Introducing iPadium – Your Unreal Escape from Real-Life Stress!

Tired of life's never-ending demands? From the makers of digital magic comes iPadium – your daily dose of serenity, perfectly crafted to avoid real-life problems.

With iPadium, you’ll experience:

• Instant Friends – Connect instantly with characters, influencers, and players worldwide through YouTube videos and games (no awkward small talk required!).
• Effortless Entertainment – Get all the laughs, drama, and thrills without lifting a finger—others have done the hard work creating it for you!
• No Exercise Necessary – Who needs cardio when you’ve got endless scrolling?

Possible side effects of iPadium include: reduced physical activity, low energy from eye strain, poor eating habits, poor posture, poor sleep quality, decreased problem-solving skills, increased depression or anxiety, social isolation, decreased communication skills, difficulty forming positive relationships, increased aggression, increase in risky behaviors, reduced time for hobbies, decreased family interaction, and disconnection from real-life activities.