Most parents often parent subconsciously, and when we do, it's usually driven by fear. There are three common ways fear can influence our parenting:

1. Fear of losing control over our child.
2. Fear of losing our child’s love.
3. Fear because we feel uncertain or unprepared in our parenting.

Parenting from a place of fear can lead to anger, sadness, and dismissal.

A more effective approach is to parent with love. I find that acronyms and mnemonics help me remember important principles, especially since my memory isn’t the best. One that I use for parenting is SACRAL:

• Serene Demeanor: Cultivating a serene yet firm demeanor is essential for clear thinking and effective communication. This is especially challenging if your children tend to trigger strong reactions in you. If you grew up with a parent who was easily triggered, you might find yourself struggling with the same issue. The Happier Mom Daily Celebration Journal can support you in this journey. With patience and consistent practice, you can overcome these triggers and foster a more peaceful interaction with your children. 
• As parents, losing our temper occasionally is normal. Instead of trying to be perfect, it’s more important to apologize with humility and take accountability of our actions. Doing so teaches our children that it’s okay to admit when we make mistakes, it builds trust, and it shows that we respect their feelings and are committed to growing as a parent.
• If your child becomes overwhelmed with their emotions, wait until they’re calm before engaging with them. Allow them to express their big feelings as long as no one is getting hurt and nothing is being damaged. By acknowledging what your child is feeling and letting them know that you’ll talk to them once they’re calm, you’re practicing strong, compassionate parenting.
• Abilities: Try to focus on nurturing your child’s abilities and growth and offering support instead of fixating on their challenges. Adults are by no means perfect, and neither are children. If you experienced harsh criticism or even physical punishment growing up, you can break the cycle by building your child’s confidence through positive reinforcement.
• Choice, Control, and Confidence: Offer your child as much choice, control, and confidence as possible. This shift in allowing your child to have more independence may take a lot of time and patience, however the truth is that children are not meant to be controlled. They are unique beings with their own gifts to offer the world, which can be stifled by excessive control.
• Reasonable Rules: Children learn by watching you. If you expect them to follow certain rules, then you’ll need to demonstrate those behaviors yourself. When you consistently model respect, honesty, and responsibility, you show your child that the rules apply to everyone—not just them. This builds trust and makes it more likely they’ll follow the rules willingly.
• Have you ever questioned a rule as a child and heard something like, “Because I said so”? If you don’t want to repeat that cycle, then set rules that make sense, be ready to explain your reasoning, and weigh pros and cons when needed. Stay open to reasonable negotiation. This approach fosters understanding and cooperation, creating a more harmonious home.
• When creating reasonable rules, I use the Peaceful Parenting Guide. Whenever my daughter and I disagreed on an issue, we’d write down our perspective and enter them into ChatGPT, which would offer a neutral, balanced suggestion that we could then work with.
• Adapt to Their Needs: Life is full of twists and turns, and parenting is no different. A fixed mindset will leave you stuck, but a growth mindset that adapts to your child’s evolving needs will help you navigate challenges and move forward.
• Listen and Love Unconditionally: To truly love your child unconditionally, you first need to love yourself unconditionally—that way, you’re less likely to take your child’s challenging actions personally and get triggered by those actions. The Happier Mom Daily Celebration Journal can assist with this. Try to pay attention to your child’s stress tolerance and their verbal and nonverbal cues, validate their emotions—especially when they’re upset—and respond to their needs with love, not reactions. Love your child for who they are, not for fulfilling your expectations. Loving a child unconditionally means letting go of ego-driven traits like judgment, arrogance, bitterness, and stubbornness (I call these JABS, because they're like jabs against yourself and others).

Children also need love languages, which I remember using the acronym TAMPA:

• (Quality) Time spent together
• Affirmatory words
• Meaningful material gifts
• Physical touch (eg., high fives, hugs, kisses, massages, and back scratches)
• Acts of service

Here’s an example of SACRAL parenting in action:

On the drive back from our San Diego vacation, my daughter was eager to listen to Taylor Swift. While her music tastes don’t always match mine, I’ve come to embrace her preferences. With a two-and-a-half-hour journey ahead, I knew I needed music that would keep me focused and relaxed. Instead of getting frustrated when my daughter changed my favorite SiriusXM stations, I calmly listened to her concerns. She suggested a compromise: having popcorn in the car. My initial thought was the inevitable mess, knowing I’d likely be the one cleaning it up. But I realized it was a fair trade—I could enjoy my music while they enjoyed their snack. A few minutes of cleanup was a small price to pay for a peaceful drive with music I loved. In the process, I gave my children both choice and control, and I managed to express all five love languages: we spent quality time together, I purchased the popcorn for them, I praised them for making the popcorn and eating it quietly, I gave them high-fives for coming to a compromise, and I performed an act of service by driving home.