Mothers who dedicate themselves to raising their children may later find themselves in an unbalanced relationship—where the father primarily provides financial support, and the mother primarily provides the emotional care.

Some of these mothers may come to realize they entered the relationship for the wrong reasons, only to discover it has become toxic.

Even if a mother miraculously finds the strength to break free from the toxic relationship, her children remain vulnerable in the care of the other parent, who may struggle to provide the love and support they truly need.

After I separated from my ex-husband, my daughter refused to spend the night at his house. She told me and her therapist that the environment at her dad’s house was very negative due to frequent yelling, belittling, and occasional corporal punishment, mostly directed at her autistic brother. 

My daughter also told me that my ex often unlocked her bedroom door, invading her privacy and leaving her feeling unsafe and unable to relax or be independent. These distressing experiences affected her deeply, causing trouble sleeping at his home and difficulty concentrating at school.

After a few months, my ex began forcing my daughter to visit his home despite her strong objections. On one occasion, she was so desperate to escape that she climbed out of her window, onto the roof, and then onto a high wall, attempting to run away. However, my ex found her hiding in the bushes and dragged her back. 

More recent unsettling incidents at his home compelled me to file a police report the next day. My daughter’s therapist observed that she exhibited “significant fear and distress regarding her interactions with her father and certain relatives” and noted that she “preferred supervised visitation” as it would provide her with a much-needed sense of security.

My daughter has shared with me that she is feeling extremely anxious about my ex picking her up from school this Wednesday, February 12, and taking her to his house. She is especially afraid because he has previously forced her to leave school and get into his car against her will. She is also deeply worried that the aforementioned relatives will be invited to his home, where she fears they will continue to harass and retaliate against her. Despite my efforts, I was unable to obtain a restraining order due to a lack of physical evidence.

A true father is someone who loves their child unconditionally, for who they really are, not just when they meet certain expectations and not just when they behave well. Being biologically related means nothing if the love isn’t consistently shown through actions. Providing financially is important, but it’s not enough. A true father must prioritize healing his own stress and emotional wounds—only then can he help his children thrive.

We’re all born with stress, even as children, and we have a choice: to heal it or to mask it. My daughter confided in me that she wanted to be homeschooled, feeling that school offered little meaningful learning. She dreamed of traveling the world with me, craving freedom, adventure, and a richer education through experience. It felt like the perfect opportunity for growth and healing. But her dad dismissed the idea, laughing it off as the worst possible choice for her and insisting she stay in public school. There, she struggled—stifled by a rigid system that lacked creativity, sensory engagement, and the freedom to learn in a way that truly inspired her.

The constant stress surrounding my daughter—at her dad’s house, at school, and even at home, where her brother’s behavior worsened significantly after visiting their dad—led her to cope by indulging in candy, screens, and junk food. Rather than trying to control her, I chose to guide her with love and understanding. But it was heartbreaking to watch her once-bright spirit slowly dim under the weight of it all.

Two nights ago, my ex mentioned his plan to suddenly impose strict screen time limits on our daughter. While I understand his concerns, his approach feels more about control than guidance, and I fear it could backfire. Given their already strained relationship, I’m deeply worried about her well-being and sense of safety.

Every day, I spend time in various Facebook groups, offering support and guidance to struggling moms—often by sharing helpful blog posts and resources. But today, I find myself in need of advice. If you have any insights that could help me support my daughter, I would be truly grateful if you could share them at [email protected].

Despite everything I’ve been through, I still choose to believe in hope.